today, whilst getting my shoes resoled i went to the bank and then looked around my old school. which were built in 1876 and 1558 respectively. they're beautiful buildings; truly stunning. i then decided that, even thought it had begun to rain i'd go through the churchyard, to try to figure out when it was built. since... it has no plaque or 'listed building' stone. i couldn't find any evidence of when it was. my suspicions are norman.


edit: ooh, my internet findings have revealed that nobody is quite sure when it was built. sometime between 1100 and 1200. lovely.

1. What did you have for breakfast five days ago (If you didn't eat breakfast five days ago please instead substitute what you ate five breakfasts ago for you answer; if you don't eat breakfast for any reason - be it ideological, religious, or fear-based - please explain further)?
i had toast. burned toast to be precise.

2. Are you nice?
i can be. i don't think anybody is nice all of the time.

3. How many jobs do you currently hold?
just the one.

4. Take off that stupid-ass hat. That's not a question, just do it.
fuck no! i have worn this hat day in day out for going on fourteen years now!

5. Remember when we used to pass around surveys through email rather than MySpace? Wasn't that great? Isn't instant nostalgia wonderful? Do you have a nostalgic email-based memory you'd like to share? If not, go light up a cigarette and jump to the last few questions, 'cause this isn't working for you at all and I can tell, you're just phoning it in.
i do not. it was not. it is not. i do not, and i shall not.

6. What's a pet peeve you've never told?
i'm very vocal when it comes to my 'pet peeves'.

7a. Are you worried about something?
all the time.

7b. Should you get over it?
most certainly not.

8. Defend your love for something ridiculous:
his chin! it's the most magnificent example of a male chin anywhere on this planet!

9. This is the part of the survey that you give us a loosely detailed description of what you look like so we can get a decent image of you in our head that we can use while we masturbate in the shower tomorrow morning before work:
well, i'm a boy. i hope that's enough to deter you from wanking. if not... then by all means, go ahead!


10. Is there a God?
i am he.

11. What's the best album no one's listening to?
hmm... probably the drips' self titled album. the only people i know that know of it, have been told by me.

12a. What about your parents (or legal guardians) do you love?
most things.

12b. What about them do you hate
very little, if anything.

13. Rene Descartes said, "Cogito ergo sum." Can you believe that French ponce, speaking two languages and NEITHER of them being English? Expand on your indignation; extra jingoism and unfounded "patriotic" claims are a plus (5 bonus points for including a drawing of the American flag):
i have no problem with him. that's two more languages than i can speak.

14. When was the first time you kissed a member of the sex you're currently attracted to?
it was seven years ago.

15. What do you wish were different in your life?
my location.

16. "Fight Club" or "The Matrix?"
there is no competition. fight club. i despise the matrix.

17. When were you last scared out of your mind?
years and years ago.

18a. What household chore do you hate the most?
washing up

18b. Which household chore do you like the most?
'does cooking count as a chore? i think it kind of does. i enjoy it, anyway.'

19. What's something commonplace that everyone else does that you don't do?
dance.

20. When was the first time you overcame embarrassment?
umm... i cannot remember. not for the life of me.

21. Who was your last phone call to? Who was the last phone call you received from?
the last person i called was 'home' and the last person who called me was sian.

22. Define "freedom":
anarchy is freedom. but there's far too many idiots in the world for that.

23. Where's your favorite place to eat that everyone should know about?
home.

24. What do you regret?
not eating five minutes ago.

25. What makes you feel charitable? Why?
nothing, i'm a selfish bastard.

26. Who was the best Beatle?
'ringo, by far.' i totally agree. if only for the fact he did the voice-overs for thomas the tank-engine.

27a. Which "Saved By the Bell" cast member could you outduel in a match of wits?
screech? god! i'm so ashamed that i know anybody from that... travesty of television.

27b. Which one would you take on a date to The Max?
what?

27c. Which one could you take in a fight (NOTE: Don't say "Slater," because he was the best wrestler at Bayside and he'd whup your punk fuckin' ass, it's a fact, just admit it)?
what?

28. Where is Vice President Dick Cheney? Seriously, where is he? He shot that one guy, i guess, and now...now it's like...God, you know...fuckin'...I don't even know. I don't even know, you know? It's crazy. It's totally crazy. God. Seriously though, where is he?
downstairs, getting me some biscuits.

29. How do you make the magic fortune in a fortune cookie come true? Explain your procedure.
i have no procedure. i just don't open them.

30a. What don't you do enough of?
fapping.

30b. What do you do too much of?
fapping...

31. Is honesty the best policy?
most of the time, yes.

32. Reality TV: for or against?
against. vehemently against.

33. No one cares if you drink or smoke. The real question is: Mescaline or Acid?
acid.

34. What's your definition of "First Base?" "Second?" "Third?" "Home?"
 i don't play baseball. even when it's called rounders.


35. What are you getting out of life: what you want, what you earned, or what you deserve?
what i want.

36. Chuck Klosterman asked this once in an essay in ESPN: The Magazine, and I paraphrase: If the predominant number of athletes in the National Football League are using performance-enhancing drugs, can it still be considered cheating?
what she said.

37. What's on your desktop of your computer?
some totally awesome mythological greek beast. being awesome.

38. What do you collect?
scars, bruises...

39. Best videogame of all time, hands down:
oh, um... metal gear solid. ps1, none of that remakey gamecubey bollocks.

40a. What was the best thing that happened in elementary school?
i don't know.

40b. In Middle school / junior high?
again, i really don't have that many memories before secondary school.

40c. In high school?
fucking shit up. it was how we rolled.

40d. In College?
the best thing? the breaks.

40e. Oh, come on...seriously, you went to grad school? God...okay, fine. The best thing that happened in grad school. No wait, let me guess...you made a million dollars when you got out, right? Was that your answer, you asskisser? You're terrible.
too young, i'm afraid.

41a. Ever fired a gun?
i have.

41b. At someone?
not yet.

42. Can you do any superhuman tricks? Like, are you double-jointed and other freakish things of that nature?
i'm rather bendy. i can also stay up for long periods of time.

43. Describe the perfect birthday:
to have peace.

44. Do you want to go to the Moon?
it's made of cheese. i'm (a) vegan. no thanks.

45. There's no way out! It's hopeless! An impossible task is at hand! How are we possibly going to escape?! Save us:
don't worry, i've done this before. just... follow me, and for god's sake stay quiet!

46. Where do we as humans go from here?
we evolve dear boy, we evolve.

47. Aren't you excited that this survey's almost over? Display your feelings in iambic pentameter (if you can't, perhaps you can go in a corner and play with a tiny rubber ball or your PSP, you know, something else that instantly shows the world you have a lower IQ than absolutely everyone you see):
oh, dear. school all over again! i'll just fob you off with what i gave them. to swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells. it's not displaying my feelings, but it will do. isn't plagiarism fun?

48. Where were you when the Twin Towers fell?
um... i'm not sure.

49. I'm funnier than you. How are you coping with that?
false claims tend to annoy me.

50a. What will you do today that will make it better than yesterday?
i will have had more rest.

50b. It was gay to end on that question, and I'm sorry. I thought it would wrap things up nicely. If you liked it, cool, 'cause that's the end. But if you hated it, here's one last question: If you could kill someone and you knew one hundred percent beyond a shadow of a doubt that you could get away with it, would you do it?
totally!

1. what is your favorite word?
'sesquipedilian.' or maybe... 'ignoramus.' they are both wonderful.

2. what is your least favorite word?
hmm, i don't really have a least favourite. clam? i suppose.

3. what turns you on?
intelligence, pretty eyes. oh, and girl boxers...

4. what turns you off?
obesity, boniness, arrogance, stupidity and curly hair.

5. what sound do you love?
the sound of a voice breaking.

6. what sound do you hate?
hair dyers, vacuum cleaners and paper shredders.

7. what is your favorite curse word?
i... i'm rather fond of all of them. but 'bollocks' is truly brilliant.

8. what profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
marine biologist.

9. what profession would you not like to do?
bin man, if you can call that a profession.

10. if heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
'get out! you're getting mud all over my clouds!'

'from this texas breath exhaled no sign of relief, this you know, this you know, this is forever.'


oh, random fact: at the drive-in's 'pickpocket' was the first song i ever learnt on the drums.

today i was awoken by somebody rapping on my door. rather impatiently, may i add. this is because i was called three times but missed them because i was sleeping. don't people know how to leave messages? god! 

it just so turns out it wasn't as urgent as the frantic rapping suggested. i found that out after stumbling down the stairs and opening the door to be greeted by mark and emma's beaming faces. 'hellooo,' she said 'we're going to hang out later, you comin'?' i responded in the affirmative and yawned. 'whereabouts?' i asked, hoping it wouldn't be too far away from home, i need to be back, you see. 'we don't know, yet.' mark piped in. 'okay,' i said 'but i need to be back before eleven.' emma rolled her eyes and upturned the corners of her mouth.

ergh...

anyway! it wasn't until a couple of hours later, when i was in mark's car, that i found out. 'we're going to brighton,' mark said sounding ecstatic. i was stunned, the weather is so unbelievably crap! why on god's green earth would anyone go there today!? emma must have seen the dumbfounded expression on my face, because she put her hand on my shoulder and shook me, 'it'll be fun, i know the weather's a bit shitty, but we can eat in the cafe and talk.', 'yeah,' mark shouted, his car is fucking loud, 'the sea looks nice even with the weather being lousy, waves an' all that.' anyway, i had no choice now. it'd be rude to say no.


it wasn't so bad. we ate and talked. they had arranged to meet a few others there. so it wasn't just us three. tom, ellis, lucy, charlotte (not my sister charlotte) and sean all turned up. the diner didn't have much in the way of vegan choice, so i had salad and water. not filling. it was fun all the same, and i got back in plenty of time. 

i hope the weather improves before we all trapse down there again on the twenty-fifth...

i... really have mentioned almost everything.

but, i suppose i could elaborate more on my conversation with ellis.

me: hello, how've you been?
ellis: all right, yourself?
me: i've been okay, just a bit achy after my birthday.
ellis: still? fuckin' hell, you're getting old.
me: ...
ellis: i did this, look. (pulls up shirt at the back to reveal a bruise bigger than my hand.)
me: ooh, shit. that's massive.
ellis: i know, it hurts like a cunt, too.
me: i can imagine.
ellis: you got away more unscathed than usual.
me: i know, i was careful. i've seen the plight before, no need to die.
 

FalseAlarm08 (07:00:59): it's easier to be cryptic.
junkculture (07:01:15): you sound like...
junkculture (07:01:17): edward.
junkculture (07:01:26): no, no.
junkculture (07:01:27): go on.
junkculture (07:01:30): i'm sorry.
FalseAlarm08 (07:01:55): erm, i don't really know what i was going to type.
FalseAlarm08 (07:02:08): was that a compliment?
FalseAlarm08 (07:02:11): i haven't read much.
junkculture (07:02:17): yes.
junkculture (07:02:19): well.
junkculture (07:02:21): he's just...
junkculture (07:02:33): he doesn't say everything bella wishes he would a lot of the time.

my god!

the weather is atrocious.

it couldn't be more depressing, there isn't an inch of sky showing...